Prayers for February

January has just flown by and February will be underway before I know it. I am so looking forward to the warmer months. February has always been my least favorite month. It seems so dreary, and cold and just seems to last longer than most months.

It looks like this year February will bring a big change in my life with the hysterectomy on the 16th looming. I have known I needed the surgery for a while now, but kept thinking it would all resolve itself. I prayed for a miracle like the woman in the bible who just had to touch the cloak of Jesus and her bleeding ailment was healed. So far no miracle for me in that department. I guess my miracle was realizing I was praying for healing when I should have been praying for faith.

I need faith knowing I am making the right decision. Since scheduling the date, I have started the usual doubt game in my head. I have started thinking maybe this surgery is not necessary at all. I really feel fine right now, surely I can live with this problem if it is only one week out of the month, what if I am worse off after the surgery than I am right now....and so on. I have even tried a couple of those out on Todd. He assures me that it is all going to be fine, but I wish I could be so optimistic.

It is in my nature to be optimistic, when all else fails. In other words, I usually look at things from the negative standpoint first. I know this comes as a surprise to those who know me. I can be super positive and encouraging to others and spout off all kinds of advice and support for their problems. But when it comes to me, when I have to face adversity head on, I will usually look for the negative first. I am sure it is something about me that would take years of analyzing by the experts and it might also be interesting material for a medical journal, but I prefer to do the analyzing myself and to bore (and amaze) friends and family with the details.

I guess all this leads to our small group study about greater decision making through prayer. We talked recently about always praying before any situation or request and to always ask four questions before making a final decision.The questions are: Why would I do this, why would I not do this, why should I do this and why should I not. Then analyze the answers and the decision will be right there before your eyes. I think that sounds great, but what if the answer is still not clear? I think the hardest part is learning to listen and wait for God's answer to our prayers. Sometimes the answer is not what we want to hear and is hard to accept, then I think maybe I didn't hear Him correctly.... It would be so much easier if God would just communicate by phone or text. I would love to get a text from Him saying btw, u r going 2 b fine.

I guess wishing for a direct line to the Lord is similar to wishing for the warmer months to get here. Just like the answers to our prayers, they will arrive in His time, and on His schedule. Maybe this year February will signal a new beginning and not be the month I have come to dread. February this year may just hold the answer to my prayers.