Prayers for February

January has just flown by and February will be underway before I know it. I am so looking forward to the warmer months. February has always been my least favorite month. It seems so dreary, and cold and just seems to last longer than most months.

It looks like this year February will bring a big change in my life with the hysterectomy on the 16th looming. I have known I needed the surgery for a while now, but kept thinking it would all resolve itself. I prayed for a miracle like the woman in the bible who just had to touch the cloak of Jesus and her bleeding ailment was healed. So far no miracle for me in that department. I guess my miracle was realizing I was praying for healing when I should have been praying for faith.

I need faith knowing I am making the right decision. Since scheduling the date, I have started the usual doubt game in my head. I have started thinking maybe this surgery is not necessary at all. I really feel fine right now, surely I can live with this problem if it is only one week out of the month, what if I am worse off after the surgery than I am right now....and so on. I have even tried a couple of those out on Todd. He assures me that it is all going to be fine, but I wish I could be so optimistic.

It is in my nature to be optimistic, when all else fails. In other words, I usually look at things from the negative standpoint first. I know this comes as a surprise to those who know me. I can be super positive and encouraging to others and spout off all kinds of advice and support for their problems. But when it comes to me, when I have to face adversity head on, I will usually look for the negative first. I am sure it is something about me that would take years of analyzing by the experts and it might also be interesting material for a medical journal, but I prefer to do the analyzing myself and to bore (and amaze) friends and family with the details.

I guess all this leads to our small group study about greater decision making through prayer. We talked recently about always praying before any situation or request and to always ask four questions before making a final decision.The questions are: Why would I do this, why would I not do this, why should I do this and why should I not. Then analyze the answers and the decision will be right there before your eyes. I think that sounds great, but what if the answer is still not clear? I think the hardest part is learning to listen and wait for God's answer to our prayers. Sometimes the answer is not what we want to hear and is hard to accept, then I think maybe I didn't hear Him correctly.... It would be so much easier if God would just communicate by phone or text. I would love to get a text from Him saying btw, u r going 2 b fine.

I guess wishing for a direct line to the Lord is similar to wishing for the warmer months to get here. Just like the answers to our prayers, they will arrive in His time, and on His schedule. Maybe this year February will signal a new beginning and not be the month I have come to dread. February this year may just hold the answer to my prayers.

Speed Bump Ahead

Its been a while since I have written anything. Todd had his surgery Wednesday and the rest of the days have been a blur. This is not exactly what Todd had planned for the first few months of the new year, but life has a way of making a left turn just when you think you have things all mapped out.

Todd is doing really well though. He rarely complains. He just accepts the circumstances as they are and deals with it. I read the other day that complaining can can be equated with unbelief. It is the same thing as suggesting that God really doesn't know what He is doing. Wow, that kind of made me stop and think, because I think I complain a lot.

It is not something I do purposefully. It just comes naturally, without much forethought. I think most of us complain about one thing or another. We complain about the way our team is playing or about lights being left on in unoccupied rooms, but I don't think that is what the writer was referring to. His message was about finding contentment with what is happening in your life right now and that complaining actually questions God's wisdom and good judgment. Quite something to think about.

I think what I need to take from this is to watch how Todd is dealing with his current setback. It is a trial, no doubt. He is inconvenienced in many ways with wearing that cumbersome sling. His right arm is basically gone for the time being. He is having to use his left arm for just about everything, and he has yet to voice a complaint. I am not saying he is a saint, and doesn't have his moments of discouragement, but he is not a "woe is me" kind of guy. He just plugs along and does all he can by himself, asking for help only when the task is impossible with his one arm.

As you can see, I am impressed. I would have to say, I have been known to be a "woe is me" kind of girl. I want everything to go along perfectly and when a wrench gets thrown into the mix, I usually have to wail and carry on for a bit. I will eventually move passed it, but not without someone knowing about it. Not an attractive attribute, I know. I am learning though. I am observing and taking notes. I don't want to be a complainer. When God gives me a trial, I want to be able to handle it with the same attitude that Todd is displaying.

It is difficult to learn to trust God and find contentment no matter what life brings our way. There are so many things in this world that can rob us of our faith and take the place of what we should be focusing on. As mentioned in previous blogs, I am working on my prayer life and the small group I joined is studying about developing a heart for God through prayer. Just what I need at this time in my life. God is truly amazing in how He works to help us along on the road to contentment, we just need to leave the planning to Him and what is truly important in life will become more evident along the way.

Oh, Carterboy

Todd calls Carter, "Carterboy". I usually call him "sweetie". I think I will always call him that. I am still amazed that Carter's 18th birthday is just weeks off. How did that time go so quickly? We have had an interesting journey during Carter's growing up years and there were times (still are) when all we could do was throw up our hands and wonder why things happen the way they do.

For example, the other day I came across a letter I had written to Carter's 6th grade teacher at Trinity. I was apparently unhappy with her assessment of him and thought she should know a little bit about our son. While reading it, I began to relive the emotions I felt at the time it was written. I so wanted to protect him from such an unfair world. As I read my well thought out statements about Carter, I started remembering things about him I had since forgotten. My one and a half page "rant" covered everything, and more! Here are some snippets from the letter with my updated comments in italics:


Carter Thompson, age 11, December 10, 2003
Carter wants to be an inventor when he grows up. He likes to think of new inventions and describe them in detail to us. The themes of most of his “inventions” are improvements on the everyday things we use to make them faster or more convenient.
He likes to play chess. He does not always win, but he enjoys thinking of a strategy. He also likes to do jig saw puzzles. He will sit for long periods of time trying to find just one certain piece. He enjoys anything that presents a puzzle for him. He designs roller coasters, zoos and amusements parks on his computer games. Today Carter is wanting to major in either architecture or engineering. He is a whiz on the computer, excels in his design classes at school and still amazes us with his creative ideas.

Carter likes to interact with adults. He will visit elderly neighbors and former neighbors on his own. He looks adults in the eye when they talk to him and will even offer his hand to shake when meeting someone for the first time. We get numerous compliments about Carter and his behavior in social settings. Right now Carter works at United as a sacker, stocker, and trainer. He shows confidence when talking to adults, still looks them in the eye and will go out of his way to shake someone's hand or bid them goodbye. Many people tell us how rare it is for someone his age to exhibit those social skills.

Carter asks hard questions. He thinks about things on a much deeper level than you would expect of an 11 year old. He wants to know why things are the way they are and how things work. He asks questions about God, death and the universe that get us thinking as well.
Carter wants everything to be fair. He doesn’t understand why people have to hurt one another. Boys that say mean things to him or physically bully him make him frustrated and angry. Carter is not an overly physical or aggressive child. He is sympathetic to anyone he perceives as “the underdog”. Carter certainly has a servant's heart. He is a loyal friend to those others may not even bother to get to know. He does not judge on appearance, but on heart, and it has taken some time for us, as his parents, to understand that.

Carter can be forgetful, but he has a great memory. He tends to forget assignments or to brush his teeth, but he can recite information he finds interesting or fun with ease. He likes to discover information about a subject that is obscure and gets satisfaction from telling us something we didn’t know. Carter still frustrates us. He can be lazy, forgetful, sloppy and argumentative. At times he thinks he knows better than us, thinks the house is one big trash can and requires "coaxing" from us to accomplish chores or meet deadlines. In other words, he is a teenager!

My letter goes on about his allergies, his hobbies of reading and playing the guitar and finishes with suggestions on how we can all help him become better organized without the use of medications. I was his biggest advocate back then. I was ready to take them all on to prove my child was not different from any other.

I never sent that letter. I guess because after I finished it and reread it (probably dozens of times), I knew I didn't write that letter for his teacher. I wrote it for myself. I am sure I was frustrated with the teacher, with Carter, just with the whole situation. I needed to remind myself at that time, how very special Carter was. And yes, he was different from the average child, he was above average!

We have been blessed with an amazing son. Sometimes, especially now when teenager hood seems to have robbed me of my little boy, I need to be reminded of that. So as I get all bent out of shape when I find the basement looking like a bomb had been recently detonated, or when his room looks like it contains a year's worth of laundry and garbage, I need to be reminded we only have him "on loan". The days of him wanting to hold my hand in the car, or just get a hug, are now my sweet memories. They have been replaced with "love you Mom", as he flies out the door in the morning and quick hugs as he arrives home from his day. He has a life already mapped out for him, and I feel pretty certain God has special plans for our Carterboy. The journey, albeit, bitter sweet, has been very much worth it.

Dim the Lights Dear

This blog has taken me all day to complete. I need to remember not to start writing on a weekend. There are way too many distractions and today there seemed to be more than usual.

I hope that hearing from Todd today that he is reading my blog, won't change how I approach my writing. I mean for heavens sake, he is my husband. He knows everything about me, all my anxieties, all my many issues, all my waking thoughts.....well, come to think about it, he may be about to learn more than he ever wanted to know. I believe he is about to shine a light on a whole other side of the woman he married.

One thing he does know, is that he is married to a woman of many moods. I don't think he realizes, however, that women don't have control over these rapid changes in our moods. Now I don't mean we are Sybil-esk, so to speak, with different personalities all unaware of what the other is doing. We can and do observe the takeover of these new selves, we just have to fade into the background and observe since the "visiting" self can be rather bold. Then later, when we emerge from the shadows, we prefer to not be reminded of what our "stand-in" did, said or threatened!

It is also possible Todd will come to realize just how much time his wife has on her hands. Or at least it might look that way to him. I don't just sit here all day and blog. I will get up and get coffee, or talk on the phone to Patty and sometimes I even get dinner started, before actually completing a blog. I mean it is winter. Usually I have fifteen or so hours a week devoted to golf otherwise! I am sure he will find my multi-tasking impressive instead of questionable.

Todd even gave me some material to use in a blog. He suggested I write about a recent episode involving my Nintendo DS stylus. I have been doing daily crosswords on the Nintendo and one evening discovered the stylus missing. After thoroughly questioning him and Carter about its whereabouts and conducting an all out search of the house, I had given it up for lost. I then began berating myself for probably having thrown it away, or some other ridiculous act as a result of my having "lost my mind". Well a few days later as I was shoving a foot into one of my boots, I felt a foreign object stabbing my toes. I quickly removed the boot, dumped it over and out fell the stylus! He found the outcome very interesting and gave me a stern lecture about not being so hard on myself. But he missed the point...how did the stylus get in my boot? Here is a picture of what it looks like.


I think the stylus story reinforces my reference earlier to the "many faces of Kasey". Wouldn't that be considered a ridiculous act during a mindless moment? As much as I try to piece together what events could have led up to the stylus ending up in my boot, I really can't come up with anything remotely logical.

I have to say I am glad Todd is reading my blog. I think he will come to a greater understanding of who I am and how my mind works. It will be healthy for our marriage that he gets to look at me in a whole other light. How many men get to learn so much about their wives' inner most thoughts and ideas? What a wonderful opportunity he must be thinking...... and in all likelihood, he will come to wish he had kept the light dimmer, maybe a whole lot dimmer!

Journey of the Blog

When I started this blog, I had no idea what I was going to write about. In fact, I questioned what someone of my age could write about that would be of interest to anyone. For most of the blogs I have written, I just clicked on new post and wrote what came to mind. Today's post is a little more "spirit" driven. The blogs from the sisters have tilted this week toward talk of their spiritual journey and then today my devotional kind of hit on that target, so I feel driven to write about it.

My devotional asked, "Have you ever consciously moved into the realm of God not only as your Savior but also as your Master and Lord? Is God tugging on your heart for you to completely surrender all to Him? Are you holding on to your life too tightly? What are you afraid will happen if you surrender it all to God?

I just sat there and stared at those questions. Then I checked the date to see if I was on the right day. I have had a problem with all of the above. I just have never had them presented so point blank. It continued with "For many of us, we're quick to make God the Savior of our life, but making Him Lord and Master- the One in complete authority and control of us- is a different story." There it is again, as if someones been inside my head.

So I need to be honest about my true commitment to give myself, my life to God. It is a hard thing to do. Especially hard for someone who devotes most of her waking and non-waking energy to maintaining control. How do you go from decades of trying to keep it all together, to just surrendering it all? Well, prayer is the obvious answer. Praying for release from the anxieties that have clung to me like lint on that black sweater I love to wear. It would be much easier if I could take the lint brush to them and off they come, but no it won't be that easy. I will have to pull them off one by one, releasing each one to the air, floating, circling around me still capable of attaching back on if I am not careful.

It will be a hard task for me, but I am taking up the challenge and I will use my blog to help me along the way. So it is clear I will have some direction in my blogging. This blog has been very therapeutic in a lot of ways for me and I can tell from the sisters' blogs it has been the same for them. I think the inward searching we are doing, sharing our daily happenings and thoughts, and the ability to laugh at ourselves is a big step toward accepting exactly who we are and who we are becoming.

"IT" was a Christmas Tree

We bought a new Christmas tree after the holidays were over. The old one had several sections of lights that would not work and after numerous attempts to fix them and realizing we could not turn the entire tree to the wall in order to hide the flaws, we broke down and ordered one online. This tree came with a free storage bag! When it arrived the other day, the UPS man struggled to get it in the door on a dolly, mumbled how heavy it was and walked out. He left it standing upright where I could not close the front door and so I wrestled the 100+lb box to the floor and there it sat for a couple of days. Since Todd is one-armed at the moment, he certainly could not move it and Carter preferred to walk passed it like it had always been there.

So yesterday I decided to assemble the tree (in order to utilize that great, free storage bag)and make sure all the lights worked. My hope was for Carter and I to then move it to the storage room. After several hours, and the arrival of darkness, I got it put together. Carter helped me pull the storage bag up and get it secured and now there it sits. Maybe it would be better to say there it looms. Its very presence is kind of menacing. Everytime I walk into the room now I jump, like someone is standing there. I will see it out of the corner of my eye and get a jolt. Roxy is making a very wide berth around it and certainly won't make eye contact with it and I am pretty sure I heard Todd say "excuse me" to it last night!

This morning before I walked down the stairs, I reminded myself that it was there, so not to have a heart attack. But later, as I rounded the corner from the office, my heart leaped as I confronted it.

I guess the question now is who will move it, or maybe how will someone move it, or even more frightening what shall we name it?

God is so Good!

I have been talking to Amber the last couple of days about Teagan's new tooth, Teagan's feeding schedule and her growth, etc. All things I remember worrying about when I was a new mother. The only difference is back then I didn't have a Grams to call to ask the questions, to fret, to be comforted. I am so thankful that I am here for Amber and for the relationship that we have.

I have memories of Amber as a baby, when I would look at her in awe and wonder and think how did I deserve something this amazing and how will she survive? At the time, I knew nothing about anything to do with raising a child. But even in all my ignorance and lack of experience, she kept growing, developing on schedule and filling my life in ways I had never thought possible.

I realize now in those times when I panicked and cried over how I could possibly do this job, God took it over. Just as He has done many more times in my 50 plus years. You just don't realize it at the time. It is not until you look back and say I don't know how I did this, or survived that and then it hits you, you really had nothing to do with it at all. He took over, He got me through it, He got Amber through it. He had a plan for her to be Teagan's mommy. And His plan for me continues....to be there to teach her about God's wisdom, His plans for her and His love that got her to where she is today.

So every time I see Amber's name on my caller id, I realize how truly blessed I am. I can be here for her, I can teach her, support her and calm those new mommy fears. How truly amazing it is to realize that all those years ago, holding my sweet new baby, that a plan was in place and what a joyous and wonderful plan it was!

Whats In a Name?

As with every January, it was time for me to see my doctor for the usual physical and bloodwork. I will admit right off, I swore last year I was changing doctors and then I didn't do it. It just seems to be such a pain to start all over again with someone new. This doctor, even though she can be somewhat intimidating, very anal (I prefer to think thorough) and not the warmest bun in the oven....has been my doctor for several years. First clue that I have never quite warmed up to her, she found out today that I go by 'Kasey' and not the 'Mary' she has gotten used to. She had a new nurse and the nurse threw me off by asking if "Mary" is what I go by and I dropped my guard and told her no, "Kasey". I was quick to say, realizing my mistake, that the Dr. calls me "Mary", however.

Well, I guess she made note of that in my file, probably right under the many notes, sidebars, and wise remarks that have been filling my chart for years.(Do you think it says "difficult" anywhere in there?) So the first thing the doctor says to me is, "do you mean after all these years, you have not told us you go by Kasey?" And I stammer, and stutter and explain (probably with too many words) that it was just more convenient for insurance purposes to leave it as Mary. She was smiling, but her eyes showed a different amusement, kind of like a "gotcha" look as she flips through the pages of notes in my chart. Luckily my blood pressure had already been taken. She continued to call me "Kasey", using it alot more than necessary(she said she was trying to get used to it), but I knew it was a control thing with her.

When I finished there, I had to go to another doctor's office for a bone density test. In that waiting room, I encounter two older men who decide I look like someone they wanted to know. I have discussed this with Patty before. People tend to talk to us. We have come to the conclusion that we must have a look about us that registers "I Will Listen" to complete strangers. The first gentleman was quick to offer advice about the registration papers I was filling out. The second man wanted to know if this was my first visit, what I was there for (excuse me?!) and if I knew the Lord. Yes, he was concerned about my salvation. Can't complain about someone looking out for your soul, but it can be a little disconcerting in the setting of a doctor's office. I, at one point, considered I might be on candid camera, but since the hidden camera was never revealed, I have to assume that wasn't the case.

Quite an interesting morning. I honestly believe encounters with people, even complete strangers have some meaning. For instance, when those men stuck out their hands to introduce themselves, I replied I was "Kasey" Thompson. Total strangers, who I will most likely never meet again know that I go by "Kasey". I thought of that as soon as I said the words. It occurred to me, that the control issue with my doctor may not be her issue at all. Could it be I was hiding behind "Mary"? In looking back, the appointment did go well. I didn't leave feeling like things were left unsaid, or unresolved as in previous years. Maybe I will keep this doctor another year, see what happens, maybe she will be okay afterall.

Pass the Prayer, please

Today is my first day to attend a woman's small group/bible study at our church. I received an email from the group's leader welcoming me to the group and she included a short rundown of what we will do the first day. She says we will read the introduction of the book we will be studying, watch a short video, spend some time in prayer and catch up on each other's lives. Wait, spend some time in prayer? What exactly does she mean by that? Will I have to pray out loud? Hello, my name is Kasey and I have prayer anxiety. I know I am not alone in having a problem with praying aloud. Patty's funny story about being at parents day at a bible camp where Lindsey and her cousin were attending, comes to mind. When they gathered in a group to pray before leaving the girls, and the camp counselor asked Mike to offer the prayer he said "I pass".

I often wonder what would happen if I am asked to lead a group in prayer. "Kasey, will you lead us in the prayer?".....um, do you mean a Hail Mary?, a Bless us oh Lord for these thy gifts?, the standard Our Father? Because I am/was a Catholic. I have long since left the church and now attend church of another faith, but when you go to Catholic church and Catholic schools, I guess you never shed the Catholic in you. We didn't "just pray" growing up. When the priest said let us pray....he read from what I assumed was the "Priest's book of Prayers", you know the one held open by the altar boy. So my dilemma anytime I am in a group situation that involves the Bible, I get a gut twisting feeling until it is determined who will lead the opening prayer and who will close. Hmmm, that would mean I have that twisted feeling for the majority of our time together.

Maybe I should have given my decision to join a group of women I barely know, that will expect praying, a little more thought. I should have asked more questions such as... What book will we be studying?, Will I have to pray out loud?, How long is the class? Um, yes ma'am I did ask if you would have to pray out loud, I mean not you, but me, uh, never mind......Why does her voice, in my head, sound like Charlie Brown's teacher?

Maybe there's a Dummies Guide to Leading the Prayer available at the book store. It will have suggestions like how to begin your prayer, the dos and don'ts of a good prayer or maybe what all good prayers contain. I don't know. Do you approach prayer like an essay, with an introduction, body and closing? Will I have to present opposing views? I will have to check into that.

In the meantime, I will attend the bible study today and pray (to myself, of course) that I am not that person who gets the calling to lead us in prayer and all I can say is "I pass."

Dreaming, I must be dreaming....

I wanted to write about the dream I had last night because it was so bizarre and I feel if I don't write it down soon, the details will escape me. I will occasionally have these dreams where I feel like I am actually awake and participating in them. It is hard to explain, but usually it is when I have been having a hard time going to sleep and I seem to be in a half dreamlike state.
Anyway, I woke up around 2a.m. and could not go back to sleep. I turned on the tv and watched some episodes of Cheers and a Properties Virgin episode on HGTV and then switched to Fox News. I know I was still awake at 3:30. All of a sudden I feel this electrical impulse going through my entire body and I feel myself being lifted to the ceiling. I actually remember thinking I guess I am dying or possibly the rapture is occurring! But then I found myself just looking down at my empty bed and then I dropped onto it, and quite gracefully leaped from it to the floor. Then Todd was in the room and I told him what happened. The electrical buzzing feeling started again and I floated up about halfway to the ceiling and then dropped back to the floor. I cried out to Todd, what is happening? He just stared at me and said I guess I didn't see what you are talking about. Are you kidding me? I was so frustrated and was crying and then thought I felt it about to happen again. Instead, I was throwing my feet up in the air, but not going up! Obviously looking like I had lost my mind. Todd was just looking at me blankly. Carter walked in just then and said there was a national emergency announced on Fox news and I woke up.
I know, that is so bizarre. I was drenched in sweat and could only lay there thinking did that really happen? I then remembered when looking down from my vantage point (the ceiling) that it was light outside and I had thought to myself how could it be light at 4am. Also the bedding on my bed, was really nice.....so obviously not my bed and when I made the leap from bed to floor, it seemed like the room was bigger. I kept going over the details of the dream to convince myself it really didn't happen.
Is that strange or what? Should I have kept that story to myself?
I looked up the possible interpretation of such a dream and it said that I am rising above a negative situation or occurance. Hmmm, does that have something to do with the national emergency Carter was talking about, or is it that I am rising above Todd's shoulder injury? I have worried alot about Todd not taking it a little slower in fear he will reinjure the shoulder or make it worse. In fact, I said to Susan, why am I worrying if he is not....so there you go. I feel better, ....I think.

Stop the Clock!

I have always heard it said about the passage of time, wait till you have kids, then you will see how very quickly it all goes by. I certainly can attest to that and now even add, just wait till you have grandkids. I can't believe Carter will be 18 next month and Teagan is already over a half year old. I lay in bed sometimes and try to recall details of something that happened years ago, and I can only recollect bits and pieces. I have just let the passage of time envelop so much of my life that I sometimes think I wasn't even present, or that I was just going through the motions. Now that I have entered the fabulous fifties, I am trying to slow it all down and look at things longer, notice things more, hold on to things a little tighter. So why now with an older mind and a memory that seems to be in skip mode have I decided this? I think I would call it an awareness. You start to become more aware of your frailities, your mortality is coming more into focus and you start to fight it. So this is life. It is so easy when you are young to be so much "in the world" that you forget to be present. One day Carter and Teagan will learn the lesson for themselves, but I will still say to them along the way, if you think time goes fast now just wait till you have kids!

Fumble-ina

I remember Patty saying once that Mike told her she was going too fast when she was finding herself in the midst of klutzhood.
Not a day goes by lately where I don't drop something, spill something or break something. I just got through cleaning up my morning smoothie that I so cleverly dumped on the computer desk. Luckily it did not spill onto the keyboard. But I am disturbed by this sudden onset of clumsiness. I dropped and broke so many ornaments this Christmas that Todd told me to go sit down and relax and he would finish decorating. So you know it was serious! Is this just a symptom of getting older? Is this a stage of aging? Like Teagan is just learning how to do things, do we start unlearning? Do we reach a certain point in life and then boom our motor skills go in reverse? That is a depressing thought. If the stages in life are baby, toddler, child, teenager, adult, old person....what are the stages from adult to old person? Maybe we could insert the stages of grief there....shock & denial, pain, anger& bargaining, depression, reconstruction(this may start sooner) and then acceptance & hope.
Hmmm, I think I will stick with Mike's explanation....slow down, quit moving so fast, try to make adulthood last....(isn't that a song?)

Greeting the Day

I awoke today with the good intention to start the new year with exercise. I hadn't been to workout at Curves since the week after Thanksgiving. Where did December go? So I sat and drank my coffee and then drank some more and finally made the move to get dressed and out the door. When I get there the message on the check-in screen flashes....time for your weigh-in & measurements.....uh oh. I knew just by the way my clothes had been fitting that there was probably some weight gain, but I wasn't ready for the inches gained! Supposedly, I have gained 3 inches in my hips since this time last year and an inch in each thigh! The woman doing the dirty work started giving me a lecture on when you enter your 50's, how your body stores more fat, blah, blah, the rushing noise in my ears was drowning her out. So I put on my best "oh sure, I can remedy this" face and got to work on the machines.
And now we have all these new aches and pains associated with age. Today, my daily devotional (coincidentally) was about greeting the day. The author recommends you raise one's head from the pillow and utter that child prayer of gratitude, "Oh God, life again. Again, one more day of life." Hmmm, I already say that prayer alot, but I am not sure I put the emphasis on the right parts. So, I will work on not taking life for granted and trying to celebrate each new day with gratitude and thanksgiving. I sure will be glad when the new year starts getting old and these good intentions can be put to rest!

New Year thought

Here we are already 3 days into the new year! I came across this passage written by the author, Judith Lechman, and I thought this was very fitting for starting a new year. I know we all talk about worrying less and having the courage to step out and try new things. I need to realize that surrender is a good thing, and not only realize it, but to live it as well.

"We soon find it all but impossible to live the
Christian life with our own strength and
goodness. It is through God's strength that we
know courage, and through His power that we
know goodness. When we realize this, surrender
becomes our priority. In seeking to unite our
will with God's more fully, we don't want a fixed
blissful union with Him, one that is filled with
passivity. Surrendering to Him means growth
and progress. It is the freedom of moving forward
with and through Him, so that each of our
relationships and all our work, worship,
suffering, and play reflect what He wants of us."

Taking Down Christmas

I am taking down Christmas today. It is kind of depressing, but Todd assures me I will feel much better after it is done. He, however, is not here. So I will carry on with hopes of "feeling much better" soon. New Years eve was uneventful. Todd woke me as I napped on the couch and informed me it was not even 9:00 yet. I could sense a little disgust in his tone. I am grateful every year we are on CST so we can "celebrate" at 11:00 with the Time Square people and feel like we stayed up to greet the new year. Oh, I wanted to mention before I forget. That little tab up at the top of the blog site that says "next blog", Patty informed me if you click on it you go to some random person's blog. As she was telling me that I clicked on it and I found myself reading about some young family with a new baby. Later when I was sitting here I decided to click on it and see if it takes me to the same sweet family. Instead I am at some "spank me" blog!! Someone has a blog dedicated to the art of spanking with pictures (naked, yes) to go with it! So beware, haha.