Prayers for February

January has just flown by and February will be underway before I know it. I am so looking forward to the warmer months. February has always been my least favorite month. It seems so dreary, and cold and just seems to last longer than most months.

It looks like this year February will bring a big change in my life with the hysterectomy on the 16th looming. I have known I needed the surgery for a while now, but kept thinking it would all resolve itself. I prayed for a miracle like the woman in the bible who just had to touch the cloak of Jesus and her bleeding ailment was healed. So far no miracle for me in that department. I guess my miracle was realizing I was praying for healing when I should have been praying for faith.

I need faith knowing I am making the right decision. Since scheduling the date, I have started the usual doubt game in my head. I have started thinking maybe this surgery is not necessary at all. I really feel fine right now, surely I can live with this problem if it is only one week out of the month, what if I am worse off after the surgery than I am right now....and so on. I have even tried a couple of those out on Todd. He assures me that it is all going to be fine, but I wish I could be so optimistic.

It is in my nature to be optimistic, when all else fails. In other words, I usually look at things from the negative standpoint first. I know this comes as a surprise to those who know me. I can be super positive and encouraging to others and spout off all kinds of advice and support for their problems. But when it comes to me, when I have to face adversity head on, I will usually look for the negative first. I am sure it is something about me that would take years of analyzing by the experts and it might also be interesting material for a medical journal, but I prefer to do the analyzing myself and to bore (and amaze) friends and family with the details.

I guess all this leads to our small group study about greater decision making through prayer. We talked recently about always praying before any situation or request and to always ask four questions before making a final decision.The questions are: Why would I do this, why would I not do this, why should I do this and why should I not. Then analyze the answers and the decision will be right there before your eyes. I think that sounds great, but what if the answer is still not clear? I think the hardest part is learning to listen and wait for God's answer to our prayers. Sometimes the answer is not what we want to hear and is hard to accept, then I think maybe I didn't hear Him correctly.... It would be so much easier if God would just communicate by phone or text. I would love to get a text from Him saying btw, u r going 2 b fine.

I guess wishing for a direct line to the Lord is similar to wishing for the warmer months to get here. Just like the answers to our prayers, they will arrive in His time, and on His schedule. Maybe this year February will signal a new beginning and not be the month I have come to dread. February this year may just hold the answer to my prayers.

Speed Bump Ahead

Its been a while since I have written anything. Todd had his surgery Wednesday and the rest of the days have been a blur. This is not exactly what Todd had planned for the first few months of the new year, but life has a way of making a left turn just when you think you have things all mapped out.

Todd is doing really well though. He rarely complains. He just accepts the circumstances as they are and deals with it. I read the other day that complaining can can be equated with unbelief. It is the same thing as suggesting that God really doesn't know what He is doing. Wow, that kind of made me stop and think, because I think I complain a lot.

It is not something I do purposefully. It just comes naturally, without much forethought. I think most of us complain about one thing or another. We complain about the way our team is playing or about lights being left on in unoccupied rooms, but I don't think that is what the writer was referring to. His message was about finding contentment with what is happening in your life right now and that complaining actually questions God's wisdom and good judgment. Quite something to think about.

I think what I need to take from this is to watch how Todd is dealing with his current setback. It is a trial, no doubt. He is inconvenienced in many ways with wearing that cumbersome sling. His right arm is basically gone for the time being. He is having to use his left arm for just about everything, and he has yet to voice a complaint. I am not saying he is a saint, and doesn't have his moments of discouragement, but he is not a "woe is me" kind of guy. He just plugs along and does all he can by himself, asking for help only when the task is impossible with his one arm.

As you can see, I am impressed. I would have to say, I have been known to be a "woe is me" kind of girl. I want everything to go along perfectly and when a wrench gets thrown into the mix, I usually have to wail and carry on for a bit. I will eventually move passed it, but not without someone knowing about it. Not an attractive attribute, I know. I am learning though. I am observing and taking notes. I don't want to be a complainer. When God gives me a trial, I want to be able to handle it with the same attitude that Todd is displaying.

It is difficult to learn to trust God and find contentment no matter what life brings our way. There are so many things in this world that can rob us of our faith and take the place of what we should be focusing on. As mentioned in previous blogs, I am working on my prayer life and the small group I joined is studying about developing a heart for God through prayer. Just what I need at this time in my life. God is truly amazing in how He works to help us along on the road to contentment, we just need to leave the planning to Him and what is truly important in life will become more evident along the way.

Oh, Carterboy

Todd calls Carter, "Carterboy". I usually call him "sweetie". I think I will always call him that. I am still amazed that Carter's 18th birthday is just weeks off. How did that time go so quickly? We have had an interesting journey during Carter's growing up years and there were times (still are) when all we could do was throw up our hands and wonder why things happen the way they do.

For example, the other day I came across a letter I had written to Carter's 6th grade teacher at Trinity. I was apparently unhappy with her assessment of him and thought she should know a little bit about our son. While reading it, I began to relive the emotions I felt at the time it was written. I so wanted to protect him from such an unfair world. As I read my well thought out statements about Carter, I started remembering things about him I had since forgotten. My one and a half page "rant" covered everything, and more! Here are some snippets from the letter with my updated comments in italics:


Carter Thompson, age 11, December 10, 2003
Carter wants to be an inventor when he grows up. He likes to think of new inventions and describe them in detail to us. The themes of most of his “inventions” are improvements on the everyday things we use to make them faster or more convenient.
He likes to play chess. He does not always win, but he enjoys thinking of a strategy. He also likes to do jig saw puzzles. He will sit for long periods of time trying to find just one certain piece. He enjoys anything that presents a puzzle for him. He designs roller coasters, zoos and amusements parks on his computer games. Today Carter is wanting to major in either architecture or engineering. He is a whiz on the computer, excels in his design classes at school and still amazes us with his creative ideas.

Carter likes to interact with adults. He will visit elderly neighbors and former neighbors on his own. He looks adults in the eye when they talk to him and will even offer his hand to shake when meeting someone for the first time. We get numerous compliments about Carter and his behavior in social settings. Right now Carter works at United as a sacker, stocker, and trainer. He shows confidence when talking to adults, still looks them in the eye and will go out of his way to shake someone's hand or bid them goodbye. Many people tell us how rare it is for someone his age to exhibit those social skills.

Carter asks hard questions. He thinks about things on a much deeper level than you would expect of an 11 year old. He wants to know why things are the way they are and how things work. He asks questions about God, death and the universe that get us thinking as well.
Carter wants everything to be fair. He doesn’t understand why people have to hurt one another. Boys that say mean things to him or physically bully him make him frustrated and angry. Carter is not an overly physical or aggressive child. He is sympathetic to anyone he perceives as “the underdog”. Carter certainly has a servant's heart. He is a loyal friend to those others may not even bother to get to know. He does not judge on appearance, but on heart, and it has taken some time for us, as his parents, to understand that.

Carter can be forgetful, but he has a great memory. He tends to forget assignments or to brush his teeth, but he can recite information he finds interesting or fun with ease. He likes to discover information about a subject that is obscure and gets satisfaction from telling us something we didn’t know. Carter still frustrates us. He can be lazy, forgetful, sloppy and argumentative. At times he thinks he knows better than us, thinks the house is one big trash can and requires "coaxing" from us to accomplish chores or meet deadlines. In other words, he is a teenager!

My letter goes on about his allergies, his hobbies of reading and playing the guitar and finishes with suggestions on how we can all help him become better organized without the use of medications. I was his biggest advocate back then. I was ready to take them all on to prove my child was not different from any other.

I never sent that letter. I guess because after I finished it and reread it (probably dozens of times), I knew I didn't write that letter for his teacher. I wrote it for myself. I am sure I was frustrated with the teacher, with Carter, just with the whole situation. I needed to remind myself at that time, how very special Carter was. And yes, he was different from the average child, he was above average!

We have been blessed with an amazing son. Sometimes, especially now when teenager hood seems to have robbed me of my little boy, I need to be reminded of that. So as I get all bent out of shape when I find the basement looking like a bomb had been recently detonated, or when his room looks like it contains a year's worth of laundry and garbage, I need to be reminded we only have him "on loan". The days of him wanting to hold my hand in the car, or just get a hug, are now my sweet memories. They have been replaced with "love you Mom", as he flies out the door in the morning and quick hugs as he arrives home from his day. He has a life already mapped out for him, and I feel pretty certain God has special plans for our Carterboy. The journey, albeit, bitter sweet, has been very much worth it.