Someones Mother

"You won't remember how it started with us, the things that I know about you that you don't even know about yourselves. We won't come back here.

You'll remember middle school and high school, but you'll have changed by then. You changing will make me change. That means you won't ever know me as I am right now-the mother I am tonight and tomorrow, the mother I've been for the last eight years, every bath and book and birthday party, gone. It won't hit you that you're missing this chapter of our story until you see me push your child on a swing or untangle his jump rope or wave a bee away from his head and think, Is this what she was like with me?"

That is an excerpt from a book I read entitled "Lift" by Kelly Corrigan. As I read that, I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat. I thought of Amber and Teagan. As I watch Amber watching her daughter I remember exactly what that felt like- the pride and wonderment all at the same time. There's all the planning, the scheduling, and the worry along with the tremendous feelings of love and then those delightful moments of being a mother to a young child. Those are not her memories, they are mine. Being a mother defined who I was. Even as a single mother, the fact that I was someones mother was always at the forefront of my thoughts as I worked, went out with friends, and dated.

Now here Carter is finishing up his senior year and looking towards college life and dorm living, and my role of mother is being redefined. How do you do that after 27 years of being someones mother? As Amber grew up and out of the house, I still had Carter nine years behind her. It seemed like an eternity back then, and now here it is in the blink of an eye. My children don't know me as the mother, the person I was back then. Just like the times I try to recall Mom and how she might have been during my childhood. I have memories and my ideas of how she was, but how could I really know the young woman raising six children all under the age of 10? I am afraid her "delightful moments" may have been limited!

The lump in my throat as I was reading that passage was from a mix of sadness and happiness. I have such sweet memories of raising Amber and Carter. The blessings I have received from both are too many to name. I know one day Amber will look at Teagan the same way I find myself watching her now. You know, those "lump in the throat" moments are still happening. Only now I watch my young adult children living and planning their own lives. The pride, and feelings of tremendous love are still there as I delight in their happiness, their accomplishments and now their own children.