Blundering through Life

I made a big mistake. I mean it was HUGE! I can't go back and fix it and it will never go away. It was one of those fall off a cliff things that leaves you thinking what happened...one minute all was good and the next...BAM! I know it all sounds very negative doesn't it? It was a lesson, a God one, so that is good right? I hope I can come to that conclusion...the sooner the better.

I have found myself starting my prayers lately with "I am struggling with...." or "God, you know I struggle with..". God I'm sure is thinking yes, dear one you are and you have been for a long time. He and his heavenly saints are probably also thinking and "when will you finally get it!!" I may well be getting "it" (or at least a portion) as I turn to Him more and more. The "it" I am coming away with is to always, always go to God first with everything I am struggling with. He will listen, He will not judge and He will answer.

For some that may sound pretty elementary. It is not for me. I want to trust God with every portion of my life, but with all the horrible things happening in the world, I can't help but think my stuff is so trivial. The more I talk to God through prayer and His Word, however, the more I have come to realize He is interested in me and my life. He is living in me and can use me for so much. I can spread His goodness and love just by the way I live my life and the attitude I bring to the people I come in contact with daily (right here in Lubbock, Tx). He is taking care of all the details. Pretty amazing.

I can't go back and fix my blunder, I know that. But I have learned that to confide in another human with something very personal and humbling is a risk. They are human just like me and they make mistakes as well. So I will take it as a lesson learned and go on. I have learned that God is my confidante and all I say to Him stays between us. He will guide me and direct me and He will comfort me and support me. Hopefully my blunders will become fewer, or at the very least, maybe the fall will not be as far.

Great Shot!

I am a big fan of golf. I love to watch it and especially love to play it. I started today thinking about golf, especially the mental part. I am playing in a match play tournament this week and as I was lying in bed this morning I began mentally playing each hole of the course I will be playing. It occurred to me (or it was divinely placed in my thinking) how much golf and life do intersect.


As I stand on the first tee, I observe the fairway. Bunker on the right, tree line on the left. Then I place my ball on the wooden tee with the goal of reaching that little hole about 300-400 yards away in as few shots as possible. But I am not thinking about how to go about reaching that in the best possible way. No, I am thinking about how far I want to hit that ball. I take the club back and swing perfectly through and the ball sails beautifully up into the sky, long and straight. I nod my thanks to the others who kindly compliment the drive and take my place confidently in the golf cart. Whew!

As we drive down the fairway I take note of the beautiful day. I thank God for blessing me with the opportunity to play that day and hum a tune from the Christian cd I was listening to in the car. The sky is so blue and the birds chatter is peaceful and calming. We reach my ball. Wait, what is this? My ball has found its way behind a tree and is nestled in between two protruding roots. Well (expletive)!

The song in my head has been replaced with a piercing noise, similar to a deployed rocket right before it hits. My positive affirmations about the beautiful day are replaced with why me, why does this always happen to me and the ever popular, "well this is typical for me" chatter. My only choice is to chip out and take my medicine. The chip does not go as planned, I hit again and then again, to finally reach the green. My playing partners are there waiting on me, their looks of sympathy wasted because I refuse to make eye contact. We putt out and go on with the next hole.

How often does that happen to us at the beginning of what seems to be a beautiful day. Something goes wrong and we quickly become negative and defensive. We blame God, or we blame our past sins and take the "I deserve what I get" attitude, which effects the rest of our day. We may have to take a detour or our plans get changed at the last minute and we find ourselves exasperated and distracted. Other people and their lives go unnoticed because we are fixated on our situation and what we perceive as an inconvenience to our life.

God did not promise life would be without its challenges. Instead, He wants us to take those challenges and apply His Word to all we encounter on a daily basis. Yes, even the days spent on the golf course. I strive to do that, and fall short quite often! But the even better news is: He knows we will fail and He will still love us. He will pick us up when we have fallen and the promise of better days, (glorious days!!)are ahead if we allow God to direct our actions and our thoughts daily.

Mean Girls

I am very fortunate to be in a small group study of the Book of Esther this summer. It is a Beth Moore study and only the second Beth Moore I have done. I absolutely love that woman. She is funny and smart and certainly knows her Bible. She is also an admitted sinner and that makes her likable and easy to relate to.

Our recent study had us talking about mean girls. Now you would think at the age of 52, mean girls would be a thing of the past. But no,.... mean girls come in all ages. Some of them are harder to identify than others, but at some point their true intentions are revealed. I have tried my very hardest to not dignify a mean person, by getting mean myself, but there are times when it is hard to keep my inner mean girl from poking her head out!

One thing Beth Moore said in the lesson was "coming in contact with a mean girl, brings out your mean girl". She went on to say how that is even more true when the mean girl is hurting your own daughter. It made me chuckle to think of times I and my sisters have turned into a mama grizzly protecting her young. I have certainly been known to bristle when my children are the target of a mean person, but who hasn't?

Recently Amber had a situation with her babysitter. There was a contract dispute and the sitter felt like Amber owed her more money than Amber understood the contract to have stated. The sitter threatened to sue and sent a couple of snippy emails asking for the money. Amber decided she would not respond in hopes it would all go away. While I was there, however, she received an email from the sitter stating she had decided to forgive "the debt" after attending a "religious meeting" the night before. Great we thought. But the letter went on to defame and criticize Amber and her upbringing and basically state in so many words that the sitter was the better person in the whole affair.

Wow, I am not sure this girl understood the message from her "religious meeting". More than that, however, the mean girl alerts were going off like fireworks in my head! How could anyone think my daughter was not just wonderful in all respects? Snide, biting retorts were coming to me right and left. I would have loved to kick the feet out from under that girl...how dare she say those things. But I didn't....we didn't. Amber and I talked long and hard about what we could say, but why we wouldn't say those things. I guess you could say we took the high road and at the time it was hard.

I hope Amber realizes now (weeks later)that our lack of response talks more about her upbringing and her heart than anything we could have written in response. It was a lesson for both of us. Beth Moore writes that "it is tough being a woman in a mean world". I pray that more and more of us will see how the things of this world taint our viewpoint and hide the truths of what is actually important (such as family, loving your neighbor and forgiveness). I can hopefully keep my inner mean girl under wraps from now on, but don't hold me to it.....