Mean Girls

I am very fortunate to be in a small group study of the Book of Esther this summer. It is a Beth Moore study and only the second Beth Moore I have done. I absolutely love that woman. She is funny and smart and certainly knows her Bible. She is also an admitted sinner and that makes her likable and easy to relate to.

Our recent study had us talking about mean girls. Now you would think at the age of 52, mean girls would be a thing of the past. But no,.... mean girls come in all ages. Some of them are harder to identify than others, but at some point their true intentions are revealed. I have tried my very hardest to not dignify a mean person, by getting mean myself, but there are times when it is hard to keep my inner mean girl from poking her head out!

One thing Beth Moore said in the lesson was "coming in contact with a mean girl, brings out your mean girl". She went on to say how that is even more true when the mean girl is hurting your own daughter. It made me chuckle to think of times I and my sisters have turned into a mama grizzly protecting her young. I have certainly been known to bristle when my children are the target of a mean person, but who hasn't?

Recently Amber had a situation with her babysitter. There was a contract dispute and the sitter felt like Amber owed her more money than Amber understood the contract to have stated. The sitter threatened to sue and sent a couple of snippy emails asking for the money. Amber decided she would not respond in hopes it would all go away. While I was there, however, she received an email from the sitter stating she had decided to forgive "the debt" after attending a "religious meeting" the night before. Great we thought. But the letter went on to defame and criticize Amber and her upbringing and basically state in so many words that the sitter was the better person in the whole affair.

Wow, I am not sure this girl understood the message from her "religious meeting". More than that, however, the mean girl alerts were going off like fireworks in my head! How could anyone think my daughter was not just wonderful in all respects? Snide, biting retorts were coming to me right and left. I would have loved to kick the feet out from under that girl...how dare she say those things. But I didn't....we didn't. Amber and I talked long and hard about what we could say, but why we wouldn't say those things. I guess you could say we took the high road and at the time it was hard.

I hope Amber realizes now (weeks later)that our lack of response talks more about her upbringing and her heart than anything we could have written in response. It was a lesson for both of us. Beth Moore writes that "it is tough being a woman in a mean world". I pray that more and more of us will see how the things of this world taint our viewpoint and hide the truths of what is actually important (such as family, loving your neighbor and forgiveness). I can hopefully keep my inner mean girl under wraps from now on, but don't hold me to it.....

Shame on Me

There are many things in my past that I have been ashamed of. I have hidden them, made excuses for them, and blamed others for them in the attempt to justify their existence. Lately though I have come to terms with them. I have finally forgiven myself and most importantly accepted God's forgiveness. It has been so hard for me to believe that God loved me through all of those times that, in my mind, let Him down. The good news is He did!

Today in my bible study it was pointed out that our past shares root with our future. And our destiny is tied up in some way with our past and it is where God has been leading us all along. That is something to which I need to ponder. Those things which have plagued me for so long, that I have tried to forget and rewrite, are me. God knew I was a sinner, knew I would commit sins and He still loved me, sent His Son to pay the price for them and promises me His love and eternal life with Him.

I wrote the above two paragraphs several weeks ago and then let them sit unpublished. I wasn't really sure what I should be writing in my blog anymore. Linda pointed out my absence from writing and I told her I felt too "conscious" of what I am writing now. I guess I felt the calling to bear all and in that knew it was going to be tough. But God finds ways....and with me, I have this small voice inside reminding me of what I should be doing and it is not letting up!

I have this daily ritual with my devotionals. I read the daily devotional from the Journey magazine I get monthly. At the bottom of the devotional is a deeper walk where you go to the scripture reading related to the writing. After reading the verses, my certain Bible has devotionals all through the book titled by the day of the week. So I go to the closest one, like today I found Wednesday, and read about Thomas, the doubter. The deeper walk for Wednesday led me to Isaiah 40:6-8.
"A voice says, 'Cry out.'
And I said 'What shall I cry?'
"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."

And I knew, God expects me to share my daily walk with others. I have never been one to preach the Bible. I am so green when it comes to the Bible, but as He has put on my heart (often), He doesn't called the equipped, he equips the called. So I say, why me? and He answers why not you? Go figure, He has an answer to everything. I guess He thinks if I am going to be at this darn computer everyday, why not do something useful. Those Bejeweled scores are not impressing Him?

So if you are reading this and think who does she think she is? Believe me, I am right there with you. I have never before felt like I am a writer or more than that, a qualified giver of spiritual advice! I am human and I have survived many lessons in life, usually the hard way. I am the first to drop eye contact with anyone asking a scripture related question or for someone to offer the prayer! But I will not ignore the small, quiet voice telling me I have more to offer. If God is telling me that my past is the road to my future, then I am taking it!