Shame on Me

There are many things in my past that I have been ashamed of. I have hidden them, made excuses for them, and blamed others for them in the attempt to justify their existence. Lately though I have come to terms with them. I have finally forgiven myself and most importantly accepted God's forgiveness. It has been so hard for me to believe that God loved me through all of those times that, in my mind, let Him down. The good news is He did!

Today in my bible study it was pointed out that our past shares root with our future. And our destiny is tied up in some way with our past and it is where God has been leading us all along. That is something to which I need to ponder. Those things which have plagued me for so long, that I have tried to forget and rewrite, are me. God knew I was a sinner, knew I would commit sins and He still loved me, sent His Son to pay the price for them and promises me His love and eternal life with Him.

I wrote the above two paragraphs several weeks ago and then let them sit unpublished. I wasn't really sure what I should be writing in my blog anymore. Linda pointed out my absence from writing and I told her I felt too "conscious" of what I am writing now. I guess I felt the calling to bear all and in that knew it was going to be tough. But God finds ways....and with me, I have this small voice inside reminding me of what I should be doing and it is not letting up!

I have this daily ritual with my devotionals. I read the daily devotional from the Journey magazine I get monthly. At the bottom of the devotional is a deeper walk where you go to the scripture reading related to the writing. After reading the verses, my certain Bible has devotionals all through the book titled by the day of the week. So I go to the closest one, like today I found Wednesday, and read about Thomas, the doubter. The deeper walk for Wednesday led me to Isaiah 40:6-8.
"A voice says, 'Cry out.'
And I said 'What shall I cry?'
"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."

And I knew, God expects me to share my daily walk with others. I have never been one to preach the Bible. I am so green when it comes to the Bible, but as He has put on my heart (often), He doesn't called the equipped, he equips the called. So I say, why me? and He answers why not you? Go figure, He has an answer to everything. I guess He thinks if I am going to be at this darn computer everyday, why not do something useful. Those Bejeweled scores are not impressing Him?

So if you are reading this and think who does she think she is? Believe me, I am right there with you. I have never before felt like I am a writer or more than that, a qualified giver of spiritual advice! I am human and I have survived many lessons in life, usually the hard way. I am the first to drop eye contact with anyone asking a scripture related question or for someone to offer the prayer! But I will not ignore the small, quiet voice telling me I have more to offer. If God is telling me that my past is the road to my future, then I am taking it!